People-Pleasing

People-Pleasing

Reviewed by Faisal Zaidi

Putting other people's approval ahead of one's own preference when deciding whether to agree, studied through compliance, motives for sacrifice and conflict handling.

What it is

People-pleasing is an everyday label rather than a single research construct. Studies that bear on it show that feeling left out makes people more willing to agree to requests and to obey instructions, that sacrifices made to avoid conflict go with worse relationship quality than sacrifices made to please a partner, and that agreeable people prefer negotiation over forcing their way in a dispute.

In effect

In the article on why we people-please, it gathers these findings into one picture of why agreeing can feel safer than saying what one wants.

What it does not say

It is not a diagnosis or a personality type, and it does not say that accommodating others is a fault. Kindness and agreeableness carry real benefits.

Sources

  1. Carter-Sowell, A. R., Chen, Z., & Williams, K. D. (2008). Ostracism increases social susceptibility. Social Influence, 3(3), 143-153.
  2. Riva, P., Williams, K. D., Torstrick, A. M., & Montali, L. (2014). Orders to shoot (a camera): Effects of ostracism on obedience. The Journal of Social Psychology, 154(3), 208-216.
  3. Impett, E. A., Gable, S. L., & Peplau, L. A. (2005). Giving up and giving in: The costs and benefits of daily sacrifice in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89(3), 327-344.
  4. Graziano, W. G., Jensen-Campbell, L. A., & Hair, E. C. (1996). Perceiving interpersonal conflict and reacting to it: The case for agreeableness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(4), 820-835.